Thursday, 18 July 2013

Nostalgia For Things That Haven't Happened Yet

Recently I've been feeling more and more nostalgic about leaving my secondary school despite the fact I haven't actually properly left yet.

I'm well aware of the fact this doesn't really make sense but every time I go to the school these days (which is surprisingly regularly as I have to walk past it to get to the beach and often get side-tracked talking to someone or another who's currently stood outside or by a door or window) I feel an over-whelming sense of nostalgia. My last exam there was 5 weeks ago today and I don't start my new school until September yet I still feel like the days that were spent in that place are so far away. 

I never fitted in properly in that school and deep down I know that going to a new place where I can have a completely fresh start and I haven't got the ghosts of my past lurking over my shoulder every where I turn is the right thing for me to be doing, but the more time that passes the more I feel like I want to stay at that school. There was a variety show in there tonight which I went to with a few people in my year who I've become increasingly close to since leaving school and it made it really hit home for the first time that although I'm gaining a fantastic new school where the education is far above the standard of that in my old school, I'm leaving behind a group of people I care about more than I could possibly put into words. 

What I'll miss most, without a doubt, are the friends I have in other years. The few people in my year I really care about I'm 100% sure I'll keep in touch with and I didn't really spend much time with them during a regular school day anyway but the ones in other years are a whole different story. I'm going to miss walking past them in corridors and hugging them without saying a word, each of us completely engrossed with our current conversation, and then walking off. I'm going to miss seeing them in the canteen at lunch time and waving to each other frantically. I'm going to miss hugging them at break and lunch as if I haven't seen them for years.

Ultimately, I need a fresh start and I know that, but I'll miss those guys so much it terrifies me to think about it. 

If any of you guys are reading this, I honestly love you so much and no matter what happens I promise to do everything I can to keep in touch with you.

Lucy x

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